bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
