Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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