He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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