another moral hangover. fuck.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
