let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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