is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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