I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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