He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
