Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
