Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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