she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize