He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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