She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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