i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
