my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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