Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
