Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
