You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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