I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
