the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
