Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the day after is always just damage control
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
