I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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