i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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