i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize