The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
