I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
