i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
