so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
