and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
