Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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