Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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