As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
