and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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