Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
