I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
