Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
