Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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