Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
