is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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