Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
