i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
