My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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