I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pooping to opera.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
