if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
