She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
