drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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