is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
