I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
