If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
