The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
