Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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