my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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