Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
