i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
