I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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