Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
