I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
