Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
