dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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