she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
