And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
