i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
