you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
