I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
