He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
