Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
