I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
