If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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