And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
