I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize